When I stopped trying to look happy and started trying to be happy, you stopped trying to look happy and stopped trying. I kept everyone in the dark while you shared the darkness; dampening the spirits around you. I slowly started living. You slowly started dying.
Truth is; I miss you.
I am at the fork no longer, no longer pondering the choice. I’ve begun to take the path less traveled. The path that is covered in underbrush and barely visible any longer. One that leads to achievement and the fullest life I could ever ask for. Where one really lives and dreams; and aspirations are no longer that, but of the finest reality. It is a difficult path to follow and surely a challenge it will be not to get lost along the way. It is formed from inspirations, innovation and the strive for true intelligence. For a while I’ve unknowing searched for this path; unfulfilled by the life I was leading; hating the person I am and unconsciously longing for the person I can be. I will be. A pining so great I could scream out loud. Run without direction, knowing I wont get lost but find myself. These words are flowing quicker then I can grasp them and pull them back. I am happy, content with hopes and dreams that if I don’t let them out, they will explode from me and disappear. I am going to strive to keep this feeling to stay. One of accomplishment and of utter bliss. I don’t want to fall farther down any longer.
I’ve heard of a poet who wrote the most amazing poetry: a truly hopeless romantic. She had her hopes set too high and died alone. I’m scared that I might share her fate one day and with my last breaths die in solitary. Its not that I’m vain and think I deserve much too much, but that’s just it. I’m asking for too much. He needs to be intelligent and kind. He needs a sense of humor as corny and crude as mine. He needs to have the most brilliant eyes, it doesn’t matter the color just that they take my breath away even when all other physical traits fade with time. Every time I look in them my thoughts would become incoherent. He must be a man of religious beliefs and high morals and respect me. Lastly he must be a silly fool in love with me as much as I love him. I’m not asking for an Edward Cullen although that’d be amazing but I do have ridiculously high hopes.
I’m afraid that I won’t find him or be able to settle. Frankly, I would rather die alone then settle. What can I say; I’m a reckless teenager with her hopes set too high.
Wish me luck,
– Maddie Mundane